another year around the sun

If you couldn't tell by the title of this post, I have recently celebrated a birthday. Birthdays are always a strange time, especially as you get older. This birthday for me was a time of reflection. I have spent the past couple of months writing down different things that I have learned about life so far. Some of them may change eventually but for now they are true. I wanted to share my list with you. In no particular order, here are random truths i've learned on my journey through life ...

Remember That People Are Human
People make mistakes. Not everyone is out to get you or make your life harder. Think back to a time when someone has shown you some compassion and how grateful you were. This doesn't mean to let people walk all over you but it might eliminate a lot of stress if you just take a moment to remember that everyone (including you) makes mistakes.

There Is A Time For Everything
My dad used to say this to me all the time. It's true. There IS a time for everything. When you work too much, play too much, do anything in excess then your life will quickly become imbalanced. You will end up neglecting other important areas in your life. There will be moments that will occur where you may have to temporarily put more energy and time into something and that's ok. If it becomes a habit, though, then other areas of your life will suffer.

Feel Your Feelings
This is so important. You must allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. When you suppress your emotions you might feel like you have overcome them but they will always find a way back. They will also come back much worse than before. Being strong does not mean that you don't get sad, angry, or any other emotion. 

Don't Judge Yourself For The Way That You Feel
Allow yourself to feel whatever emotion comes up without judgement. It does not define you as a person. Feel it, learn from it, and then move on. 

Sometimes Being A Good Friend Means Letting Go
This is a hard one. It can be applied to romantic relationships as well. When you love and care about someone it can be hard to imagine your life without them. But sometimes people take advantage of you, hurt you, or have other problems and they refuse to help themselves. There is only so much you can do. If it gets to a certain point sometimes the best thing to do is to remove yourself from the situation. 

Take Small Bites
This lesson came up because I had to relearn how to eat after I got braces. I had to take very small bites. I noticed that by doing that I enjoyed my meals more and ate less. I thought about how that can be applied to life. If you are going through a hard time or trying to accomplish a big goal just take small steps. One at a time. Eventually you will get there and it will be a much more pleasant experience.

Don't Compare Yourself To Other People
We are all on different paths. We all have different pasts. You never know what someone has been through to get to where they are. Comparing yourself to others is a waste of energy. There will always be people behind and ahead of you. Always. Instead of comparing yourself to other people try comparing yourself to yourself. Always try to be the best version of yourself. It will feel a lot better and get you a lot further.

The Only Approval Needed Is Your Own
If you spend your time trying to please others and gain their approval you will be very unhappy. You will lose yourself and find that you always fall short. Do the things that you want to do. Live your life the way that you want to live it. The people in your life that are truly your friends will love you for it. 

You Can't Change People
No matter how hard you try. It just can't be done. The only person you can change is yourself. 

Choose Your Words Wisely
Words are powerful. Once you say something you can't take it back. You can really hurt someone and even if they forgive you it is highly unlikely that they will forget. Take time to think before you speak and if you don't have anything nice to say it is better to say nothing at all.

Mistakes Are How You Learn
Take risks. Try new things. Not only will you have a more enjoyable life, but you will learn a lot more. Everyone makes mistakes, they are nothing to be afraid of.

Take Care Of Your Body
Our bodies are pretty resilient. However, over time they will start to fail if you don't take care of them. It also takes a lot of time to reverse years of abuse. It's not something that can be fixed with pills. Those fixes are temporary. So try to love your body. It's where you live and it's the only one you have.

Only Worry About What You Have Control Over
Whenever you find yourself with a problem ask yourself this question - What do I have control of in this situation? That's how you should approach everything. If you don't have control over it, no matter how many scenarios you play through your head, it will not change the situation or the outcome. Save yourself the energy.

Listen More
I was watching a Ted Talk one time and the man speaking said you can't learn anything new from listening to yourself talk. How true is that?

Explore
Sometimes you need to visit new places and see new sceneries to be inspired. I often hear people say "it must be nice" when people are going on vacation. But you don't have to go somewhere far to have an adventure. Just because you can't afford a plane ticket is no excuse to not have an adventure! I am willing to bet there are places in your own or neighboring towns that you have never visited. Take some time to enjoy your surroundings.

Stay Humble
It is never fun to be around someone who thinks they are better than other people in any way. If you think your work or your life is better than someone you must remember that you are only seeing their present situation. Everyone has potential. You are not better than any person. It is important to treat everyone with the same love and respect that you wish to be treated with. The golden rule people.

There Is No Way Out - Only Through
Life can dish out some doozies. There are some moments that can be very difficult to believe that you will ever make it through. But you will. Looking for ways to avoid pain will only numb and suppress it. You must actually go through it to come out the other side. Everytime. No Exceptions.

Be True To Who You Are
My mom always told me to follow my heart. My dad always said to trust my gut. However you want to say it, the point is we all have an inner compass that guides us. Don't change who you are or what you want for fear of what other people might think. Go your own way. People will end up admiring you for it.

Don't Take Yourself To Seriously
You have to be able to laugh at yourself. Life is not always so serious. If you fail at something, take the opportunity to find the humor in the situation. Laughter really is the best medicine. 

That's all I have for now. Some truths I've gathered from this journey of life. I hope you found some of these helpful. If you have any to add I would love to hear them!

how i want to be remembered

New Video! I hope you enjoy it!

the lack of self love (and why that’s so dangerous)

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” 
― Gautama Buddha

This message isn’t just for women; it’s a message for everyone. It’s an important one. It has to do with self-love.

The basic message is: You can never give the love you are meant and so desperately want to give, if you don’t love yourself completely.

When we are born we don’t have negative thoughts about ourselves. We don’t have thoughts about hating ourselves because our hair is too curly, we are too short or too tall, or we can’t run as fast as other people.  We learn these things. They come from the feeling of lack. We only get these feelings from the ideas we learn from others about what “perfect” is. We are all chasing our own idea of perfect and by doing so, we are living in a constant state of lack.

This is dangerous because if you are living in a state of lack, you are telling yourself that you don’t love yourself the way you are. There is something wrong with you. If you could only change this or that then life would be so much better. But that’s a lie! The only thing that is based on is some idea you have in your brain of “perfect.”

Now please don’t beat yourself up right now because this is ringing a very loud bell in your ear. Chances are it is because we ALL do this. It’s important to understand, though, how doing this affects your entire life and those around you. If you are living in lack you will search for a “love” that will fill the hole. You will constantly be searching for people, things, activities to make you feel the “love” that you think you are missing. The problem is, the only person who can fill this void, is yourself, with your own love. No one or no thing can do it for you.

Our relationships with others are also affected by our lack. We look to them to fill our own self-doubts, and when we stop feeling like they are doing that we begin to get angry. “They don’t love me the way that they should”, “or they used to be different”, or “they don’t care.” In most cases these things are not true. It’s ourselves noticing the void again. It was just a temporary fix.

I felt it was important to share this information. As I am realizing this in my own life and working on loving myself, I knew it was important to share with others. I hope everyone learns to love themselves. The world will benefit so much from the love you give.

I hope you know how important you really are.

sometimes anger is quiet

Angry people. We all know at least one person that we would refer to as an angry person, right? Someone with an anger problem? Well, I know I do. I usually don't enjoy being around these types of people. They aren't all the same but they all leave me feeling the same way. It's never a good feeling.

I would never consider myself an angry person. I love all my friends and family. I am grateful for everything I have. I am always happy and having fun. Sure, I have off days but so does everyone. I'm definitely not an angry person, right?

I'm starting to realize I might be wrong. I've been noticing that lately I have been quick to anger. I have always looked at anger as a negative emotion. I have looked at it as a sign of weakness. Usually, I am appalled at the reasons people get angry. Outside looking in it is easy to see that the situation at hand is not that bad, leaving the angry person looking foolish. 

Then, I took some time to really examine my anger. You might associate anger with words like rage, chaos, shouting, ect. It's easy to associate anger with these words because that is what the experience of anger feels like right? I used to think so. But, now I believe that these things are a symptom of anger. Anger itself is quite stealthy. In fact, it hides and creeps up on you. 

My mom passed away almost eleven years ago. For eleven years I have dealt with many emotions and feelings over this. I have never dealt with my anger. Why? Because I didn't think I was angry. For eleven years I have had this volcano inside of me waiting to erupt. I never even noticed. I ignored all the signs.

Anger is definitely something that needs to be worked through. It shouldn't be something you hold on to. It will only continue to grow and get worse over time. 

Admitting this is extremely hard for me. However, I want to be healed. I AM angry that my mom passed away. There, I said it.

times like these (poem)

It's times like these

that I remember

I connect for a moment 

to who I truly am

It feels like bliss 

and then

quickly I am whisked away

by a thought.

not all those who wander are lost

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien

don't take your eyes off of your goal

This story is an old one, but it's one worth sharing. At least, I think so. As soon as it happened I remember thinking that I would write a blog about it one day. So here it goes …

I never go to the gas station at night. You can ask anyone who knows me. I barely go at all. I always let my car get to E (which drives my husband crazy) but I won't go at night unless someone is with me. 

Well, one night I did. I was on my way home from hanging out with friends and I was pretty low on gas and I decided to pull in and fill up. As I was at the pump a million thoughts started racing through my head. I immediately regretted my decision as the thoughts started to take over and I began to feel unsafe. I didn't really know the area, there wasn't much light, and I was alone. It felt like forever, but I was finally done at the pump and I started to walk towards my car. I was still focused on what was going on around me and my crazy thoughts that when I opened the door, the corner of it hit me in the head. HARD. 

I almost passed out right there next to my car. But somehow, I managed to fight the overwhelming sensation and get into my car. I immediately started crying. I was crying because it hurt. It hurt very bad and it kept getting worse and when I looked in the mirror there was blood dripping down my face. I started driving. I called my husband sobbing and told him what happened. "Should you be driving?" he asked. Of course the answer was that I probably shouldn't be driving, but I convinced him that it was fine and got off the phone. I continued crying and in the midst of it I felt a sudden calm. Right then and there a thought popped into my mind …

Don't take your eyes off of your goal.

That was it. Thoughts flooded my mind and it started to make sense. My goal was to get to my car. I took my eyes off of my goal by letting my mind worry about all the different things that could happen. As soon as I did that, Wham! 

I thought about how that applied to life. Whenever we are working toward our goals there are always going to be obstacles along the way. As long as we keep our eyes (mind) on the goal we can overcome the obstacles. But, once you change your focus from the goal to the obstacles themselves, that's when we get hurt. That is when we give in to our fears and worries and the goal seems impossible.

I finally made it home. I had a big bump on my head and it hurt pretty bad. But, I had gained perspective. I had learned a valuable lesson … don't go to the gas station at night. :)